Sorry. I don't even know if anyone is reading this, but I haven't posted anything for awhile. I've been out of town, been busy, been tired, etc. Anyway, I am taking a short break from politics and I am going to write about Neifi Perez of the Detroit Tigers. This really has nothing to do with politics, but I just love this story so much.
As you may know, Neifi Perez recently had his third positive test for banned substances. This test occurred while he was serving his suspension for his second violation. So, like I was saying, he just had his third positive test. For amphetamines. Speed, in other words. As you may know, pro sports, especially baseball and football, have been using speed for decades. Some say it’s been a much bigger problem than steroids. They may be right.
Anyway, Neifi tested positive for speed. Again, his third positive test came while he was serving his suspension for his SECOND positive test. But that’s not why I think this story is so fucking awesome. Neifi noticed he was having some problems concentrating so he saw a sports psychologist. So far so good. His shrink decided that Perez had ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder). Still, no problem, it’s a real condition. My kid has ADD which is the same thing but without the hyperactivity. Weirdly, the thing they give you when you have ADD or ADHD is amphetamines. I don't know exactly why it works because I would think that the last thing you need when you have an attention deficit and/or hyperactivity is some kind of stimulant. You’d think they’d prescribe some sort of tranquilizer, right? But no. They prescribe amphetamines and it works. My kid's on them and it has made a huge difference, I don’t give a fuck WHAT Tom Cruise says. There are several different types of amphetamines but one of the most popular is called “Adderall.” It’s a very good drug but, because it is speed, it is possible to abuse it and it is a highly controlled drug. When we get it for our kid, we have to get a written prescription every month. It’s against federal law to accept a phoned-in prescription so you have to physically go to a doctor’s office and get a written prescription and you take that straight to the drug store. And you can only get a one-month supply at a time.
Anyway, am I boring you? Because I haven’t gotten to the awesome part yet.
Neifi takes his Adderall and it works really well for him, or so he says. But then he says that after he has taken it for a month or two, his drugstore refused to fill his prescription anymore. Now, given everything I described about how you have to get a written script, etc., I think that what really happened is that he didn’t see why he should have to get a written script and go through all that hoopla. I doubt that they said “We’re sorry, Mr. Perez, but we refuse to sell you any more Adderall.” So I will give him the benefit of the doubt and just say that he got a little confused about why he was having trouble gtting his meds. I can believe that because I have been through similar issues.
Here’s where it gets awesome: One of Neifi’s teammates tells Neifi “you don’t need Adderall. You can take any kind of amphetamine you want and it will work just as well.” So what does Neifi do? He buys black market speed, in god knows what form, and takes that. And now he is trying to say that he took it under a doctor’s orders and he is going to protest his suspension. Because one of his teammates (I am not aware that there are ANY ballplayers who are also MDs, but I am almost certain that there are no medical doctors on the Detroit Tigers roster. That being said, I do believe that the Tigers have a team physician that Neifi could have asked if he didn’t fel like taking the opinion of Kenny Rogers or Pudge Rodriguez.) said that he could take any kind of speed he wanted to treat his medical condition.
Let’s apply that reasoning in another context, shall we? “You don’t need to take that physician-prescribed Vicodin to manage your pain after that surgery. You can take heroin!” Or “Your doctor said that you should take a topical cortical steroid for that skin inflammation, but they key is “steroid” and you could take dianabol instead.” Or “I know that the police and your pediatrician say that you have to bring home your newborn baby in an approved child seat in a car, but the important thing is the child seat and that you get him home, so you should be able to mount the child’s seat on the back of your motorcycle!”
I just love this so much, I wanna take it behind the middle school and get it pregnant.
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