The Thing About Hillary Clinton

I worry about Hillary Clinton’s candidacy. If you have been reading up until now (and based on the lack if feedback I have thus far received, you haven’t) you can pretty much tell I am a Democrat. And quite a liberal one at that. I am what I suppose Rush Limbaugh would generically refer to as a knee-jerk-tax-and-spend-reactionary-bleeding-heart-big-government liberal. And I am pretty proud of that too.

So, even though her husband wasn’t as liberal as I am, I am a huge fan of the Clintons. My dream is that they amend the Constitution to allow a person to serve more than two terms and that Bubba and Dubya get in the ring for a no-holds-barred steel cage match. I’ll take Bubba and you neocon fucks can have whoever you want and Karl Rove can use his incantations to get Lee Atwater back among the living and they can run your guy’s campaign. Throw in Howard Hunt and Donald Segretti. I am confident my guy will win.

And I think that Senator Clinton would make an excellent president as well. While she is a bit too triangulating for my tastes and, again, she is not as liberal as I would like her to be, I would get behind her in a second. I think that she can overcome that thing that she does that makes it feel like every answer she gives to any question, right down to "Hillary, have you fed the dog?" has been focus-grouped by three different independent pollsters.

And I am not worried because she is a woman, either. I think the country has long been ready for a woman president and I think the fact that we haven’t had one says more about the lack of credible candidates that have run for the office than it does about sexism. Pakistan, a Muslim state for the love of god, has had a women prime minister. If Pakistan can be led by a woman, so can the US of fucking A.

No, my problems with Senator Clinton aren’t that I don’t like her, aren’t because she is a woman, aren’t because she triangulates too much and aren’t because she is too conservative.

My problem is because I have serious doubts that she can win. Look, this country is poised to give the Democratic Party a stranglehold on both the White House and Congress. Poll after poll shows that the voting public are disenchanted with Dubya and the Republicans in Congress. Now, I have serious issues with what the Democrats have done, and more importantly, failed to do since they took back Congress in 2006. It is my hope and belief that Sen. Reid and Speaker Pelosi will look at these polls and decide that they have been too easy on this president. Take away some of this Supreme Executive Power he insists he is wielding. But that’s for another day. Right now, what concerns me is that Hillary Clinton is the only person running as a Democrat who can possibly give the Republicans the jolt of energy they need to mobilize themselves.

As it stands right now, the Republican nominees are a bunch of flip-floppers who have suddenly seen the light and are now reaching out to give a reacharound to any ultraconservative they happen to meet. Either that or they are a bunch of loony whackjobs who believe that Adam and Eve rode around on dinosaurs. Suddenly Giuliani is willing to be flexible (which is to say inflexibly against) on abortion and Romney now forswears everything he ever did that was good for Planned Parenthood. John McCain is so addlebrained that he can’t even remember whose bunghole he is supposed to be frenching at any given time and was last seen giving a tongue bath to the corpse of Jerry Falwell. Fred Thompson hasn’t seen fit to enter the race and why should he when he is damn near winning the fight from the sidelines? Nope, this bunch of serial marriers, cheaters, crazies, idiots, inbreds, mental defectives and waterboarders couldn’t hope to beat any “normal” candidate.

But Hillary Clinton is not “normal” even by the lax standards of presidential politics. She induces an atavistic and reflexive hatred in Republicans. She is the ONE candidate who could rouse the Republican base to show up and vote. As it stands right now, a lot of right-wing zealots are looking like they might just sit this one out and that is a plus for the Democrats because no matter what faults the religious right may have, a lack of discipline in voting is none of them. Had it not been for God-Gay wedge issue-laden campaigns, it is almost certain that George “The Accidental President” might never have been [s]elected.

Hillary Clinton will force the right to mobilize. And, when you combine that with their minority voter suppression tactics, their post-election storm troopers and the fact that Democrats aren’t always the most disciplined voting bloc, you have a recipe for another Republican win. She may end up being the most popular Democrat and god knows that if she wins the election I will work for her and give her money. And maybe I am wrong; during the first Gulf War I was certain that Bush the Elder would win a second term, so that goes to show what I know.

But I will tell you that none of the other Dems induce such a reactionary response as does Senator Clinton. Of all the people in this country, she may be the only one about whom everyone else has an opinion. Put another way, if you were to ask 10,000 people whether they had a favorable, unfavorable or no opinion about her, I think you could really get a “zero” next to the “no opinion” line. She is the one candidate who could rouse the great but dormant Falwellbeast.